Let’s just say the quiet part out loud.

If you choose to elope, there’s a decent chance someone will be upset about it. Maybe confused. Maybe disappointed. Maybe very vocal about how they imagined your wedding day.

And before you assume this only happens to “other people,” my husband and I eloped, and not everyone was excited about it.

We didn’t elope because we hate our families or wanted to make some grand statement. We eloped because the idea of a big wedding felt unnatural to both of us. It didn’t sound fun. It didn’t feel like us. And the more we talked about it, the more obvious it became that forcing ourselves into a version of a wedding we didn’t want just to keep the peace felt like a terrible way to start a marriage.

So we didn’t.

Why We Chose to Elope

We eloped in Colorado in September of 2023, in a place that already meant something to us: our favorite campground and national park. We kept it small on purpose, bringing our parents and our dog. No audience, no weird traditions, and no pressure.

We didn’t rush to announce it afterward. We told immediate family later that fall, shared the news with friends around the holidays as we saw them, and then made it public on New Year’s Eve.

And, as mentioned, not everyone was thrilled.

A close family member had a really hard time with it, and that wasn’t easy to navigate. But I also wouldn’t change a single thing about how we chose to get married.

Because here’s the part people don’t love hearing: Their reaction doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice.

Disappointment Isn’t the Same as Harm

A lot of people get stuck here. You start asking yourself, “Am I being selfish?” or “Am I hurting people?”

There’s an important difference between disappointing someone and actually causing harm. Choosing an elopement might challenge expectations or maybe force people to confront traditions they’ve never questioned. It might make someone feel left out of something they assumed they’d be part of.

That discomfort is real and valid, but it doesn’t automatically make your choice wrong.

You’re allowed to build a wedding day around what feels right to you and your partner. You’re allowed to opt out of a production that doesn’t fit. You’re allowed to choose privacy, meaning, and intention over spectacle.

TL;DR: Your marriage is not a group project.

A People-Pleaser’s Worst Nightmare

If you’ve spent most of your life making sure everyone else is comfortable, eloping can feel especially hard. Saying “this is what we’re doing” without a long explanation or a backup plan to soften the blow goes directly against everything you’ve practiced.

People-pleasing, at its core, is about avoiding discomfort (yours and everyone else’s). And that’s where something unexpected ended up helping me: yoga.

One of the most useful lessons I’ve learned on my mat is that discomfort isn’t a stop sign. It’s just information. You notice it, you breathe through it, and eventually it passes. Trying to avoid it completely usually means avoiding the thing you actually want.

That tension around disappointing people? It fades. What sticks around is how it felt to start your marriage in a way that was honest instead of performative. And that’s something most people are grateful they didn’t talk themselves out of.

You’re Not Wrong for Wanting Something Different

Eloping doesn’t mean you love your family less. It doesn’t mean you’re immature, impulsive, or avoiding commitment. And it definitely doesn’t mean your marriage is less valid.

It means you’re paying attention to what actually matters to you.

If you’re reading this and quietly wondering whether you’re “allowed” to do things your own way: you are. Even if people don’t understand it right away. Even if they need time.

A Final Thought

Eloping taught me something I didn’t fully understand until I was on the other side of it: you can make a thoughtful, loving decision and still disappoint people. Both things can be true at the same time.

Choosing yourselves doesn’t mean you don’t care about your family and friends. It means you’re willing to start your marriage by listening to your instincts instead of managing everyone else’s expectations.

If eloping feels right, even if it ruffles feathers, that’s worth paying attention to. Traditions are flexible. Other people’s opinions evolve. But the way you begin your marriage tends to stick with you.

You’re not selfish. You’re not dramatic. You’re not doing it wrong.You’re making a decision that fits you, and that matters more than keeping the peace for one day.